Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
FoolHardy Foolishness for April Fool's Day
The Feast of Fools: All Fools Day. April Fool's Day
All Fools Day: April Fool's Day Tricks, Treats, Pranks and Jokes
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Cocaine and Heroin Doses for Children?
About a hundred years ago the drugs we consider evil incarnate could be had for 50 cents at the corner druggist:
Patent Medicine and Snake Oil Salesmen
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Gift of Doomsday: Gift Shop At the End of the World. Doomsday For Sale.
Doomsday Sale: Everything Must Go!
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DoomCember T-Shirts from the Gift Shop At the End of the World
Gift Shop At the End of the World
It's our end of the world sale. Everything must go!
The last hoodie you'll every need
Deadman's sweat shirt--but only if it's the end of the world
My other girlfriend is a Zombie T-shirt
What did Dr Smith say: We are all Doomed!
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Shop like there is no tomorrow at the Armageddon Gift Shop on the Apocalypse level of the mall.
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DoomCember or DoomCinder 2012
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Doomsday For Dummies 2012
How to Observe that Feb 29th Leap Day is Doomsday
How to Celebrate 2012 Doomsday Leap Year
How to Experience NerdPocalypse
How to Wear Your Invisible Mystic Mayan Power Cloak
How to Have Quiet DoomsDay and a Silent Apocalypse
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I'm Sorry, I thought it was Doomsday
Feb 29th, Leap Day, is Doomsday
Doomsday Lemming Lovers Embrace Their Fate
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Doomsday: Panic Now and Avoid the Rush
2012 Doomsdays, Prophesies and Predictions
Invisible Mystic Mayan Power Cloak
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On Feb 29th Will You be my Doomsday Valentine or my Leap Valentine?
2012 Doomsday Apocalypse Predictions
How Is the End Of the World Working Out For You?
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Doomsday For Sale
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How to Prepare for the End of the World
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How Will You Spend Your Last Day on Earth?
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How is the End Of the World Working Out for you?
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11.11.11 and the Angelic Armageddon Apocalypse
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The Very Last Gift Shop You will Ever Need
Obama, the First Post Racial President
If you are tired of racial politics, vote for Obama! Barack Hussein Obama is the first post-racial president.
Neither Obama nor any of his followers would ever advance any plan or policy solely on the basis of race.
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Love Means Never Facing the Voters Again
Obama Jobs and Employment Policy
Barack Hussein Obama's Energy Policy
Are You Tired of Racial Politics?
If you are tired of racial politics, vote for Obama! Barack Hussein Obama is the first post-racial president.
Neither Obama nor any of his followers would ever advance any plan or policy solely on the basis of race.
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Love Means Never Facing the Voters Again
Obama Jobs and Employment Policy
Barack Hussein Obama's Energy Policy
I Can't Help You Find a Job
I Can't Help You Find a Job, if you don't realy want one.
I can't help you find a job if you won't take the first one offered.
I can't help you find a job if you don't really need one.
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Are you looking for a Job? Really? Where are all the job Seekers?
Just wondering out loud where are all those job seekers? If they are busy living in filth with the Occupy Wall Street crowd then I know why they haven’t found a job.
I am thinking that a goodly number of recent college graduates are taking a break from life and going back home to live in mom’s basement. They aren’t really looking. They will pretend long enough and even loud enough to get the old lady off their back. But if their liberal parents are stupid enough to keep buying the whining that they can’t find a job, they will keep sitting on their asses, playing video games, doing drugs, sleeping with anything that moves, or whatever.
Hey, if you are seriously looking for a job then prove it. Actually work the job hunt thing for the next 30 days and don’t turn down any legal job that is offered to you. Also, since that OWS crowd seems to be stranger to good hygiene, TAKE A SHOWER FIRST! And dress up in some good clothes. Since you are living with your mother anyway, let her pick the clothes you will wear to your interview.
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Barack Hussein Obama has already spent $4 trillion and if you still don’t have a job then Obama can’t help you. But I can. And it won’t cost you half a trillion bucks either.
Almost anyone who really wants to work and who is willing to do whatever it takes to get legitimate work should be able to find a job and here’s how:
1) Network
Tell everyone you have ever known that you are looking for a job and would appreciate a referral. Tell everyone you have ever known that you would appreciate it if they could let you know if even a rumor of a job comes up.
Talk to friends, lovers and coworkers. Talk to friends of friends. Talk to preachers, pastors and lawyers. Talk to distant relatives—the more distant the better. Talk to old school chums you have talked to in years.
There’s a game called the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. There are various variants of the game. In one variant you try to link Kevin Bacon to every movie star in Hollywood.
Just like that game, someone in your extended network is indeed sitting around waiting to give you a job—but they don’t know it. You’d have to ask them first. That’s what networking can do for you. Tell the people you talk to tell everyone they talk to that you are looking for work.
2) Train
In the long run, you may need some long-term training in a community college or in a technical or vocational school. In the short run, you need to earn money for food, gas, and the bills that are coming due soon. So either a short-term training program or a program that pays you to train is in order.
A) Look for any existing city, country, state, or federal job training. This includes military enlistment. If a training program exists, including signing up for the military, join the program and let the government pay for your training. One of the beauties of this is that the government has already paid for this. No new spending is required. It is your right, and if you are unemployed, your duty to take advantage of this.
B) Get a job that will train you. Go on the internet and use a Meta job search engine like www.Indeed.com to search for terms like “trainee” or “entry level”. By the way, a Meta search engine takes jobs from all the smaller job search engines and puts them all in one place.
At this stage, don’t worry about what the entry-level job is. No one you will be competing with knows how to do the job either. Apply for all the jobs that come up in this category in your local area.
C) Train yourself
This process is more viable than you might think. Go down to your local library and visit your local government unemployment or job training center. Look to see if any of the computers they have available for your use have programs like Microsoft Word, Excel or PowerPoint. If you are more adventurous, the look for Adobe Photoshop or any of the Adobe products.
If you find some useful software on the computers you have access to, look for tutorials that are bundled with the software. Often the help menu or the F1 button can aid you with your search.
Go through every tutorial and exercise the machine has available. Go on internet and find more tutorials and go through them.
After you have done this, create a resume and claim your new knowledge as a skill on your resume. Now place your resume with every internet job search engine you can think of. Some to try are Monster, Careerbuilder, Dice, Indeed, JuJu,and SimplyHired. Be sure to associate a current phone number with your resume so you can easily be reached.
A smart job applicant would be particularly assiduous at finding the tutorials that are really, really difficult. Tutorials that are a real pain to understand and to master would be best. Get really, really good at the hard stuff, by repetition and finding many examples that approach the difficult problems from different angles. Employers will have to hire you because you can do something none of their current employees can do and you can do it with ease. This does not require that you be better than anyone else. Rather it only requires that you be more determined and more patient and less willing to quit.
Another way to get access to these computer programs is to look for a community college that offers courses on using these programs. You will want a college that has a large bank of computers for students to do course work. There is nothing stopping you from using every spare hour you have studying whatever program you care to on the school’s computers. You don’t have to proceed at the pace of the class; you can go at your own pace.
D) While we are on the subject, get training through community colleges or vocational schools. This kind of training takes longer but in the end can be more valuable. If cost is an issue, stick with the cheaper, public institutions like community colleges.
Also look to see if they scholarships, grants, loans or stipends. Spend some time at the library looking for college money. There are books that list grants and scholarships for people with a certain last name or ethnicity or who are the son or daughter of a military man. Google this information or ask the librarian for help on find the scholarship books.
If you choose to attend a vocational school, make sure the school is licensed and accredited to operate in your state. You generally safer going to a trade school that has operated for a longer period of time.
3) Jump.
Pull the rip cord.
Let’s suppose that you are running through various job strategies and nothing seems to be working or you are running out of time, money or someone else’s patience. Then it’s time to go job search commando. The go-to stand by jobs in virtually every state in the union are sales and management. These jobs exist almost everywhere. Often they require little or no training. Some of the jobs that do require training will pay you while you train.
Borrow a suit. Paint a smile on your face and show up to any office that advertises that they need salesmen or manager trainees and apply for the gig.
Use any job search engine you like to look for these jobs. Monster will do nicely. Be sure to create and save a resume at the job search site. Search for sales, or salesman, or manage, or manager. Join up these searches with filters like entry-level or trainee if you have never done these jobs before.
If you have been out of work for a long time, these kinds of jobs are the real test of whether or not you really want a job. In some places they have such high turnover rates that they will take anyone. Even you. The best time to get such a job is right before and during the holidays. After Halloween, you need to keep knocking on doors until you get someone to answer. You will almost certainly get a job for the holidays—if you really want one.
Speaking of seasonal jobs around the holidays, although they are not necessarily sales or management, be sure to apply to all the package shipping places for work like FedEx and UPS.
Look for help wanted placards in the windows of stores or gas stations. They want you. Help them to know that by applying for the job.
4) Job Search Strategy
I suggest you use one of the Meta job search engines like www.indeed.com. This can be quicker and easier than dealing with a myriad of job search engines like Dice, Careerbuilder and Monster. Basically Indeed will search all those sites and a lot of job search sites you have never heard of and then deliver the results to you in one place at one time. Use the Advance Job search filters to set things like the distance from your house or the kinds of jobs you want to see or the kinds of jobs you don’t want to see. If you have any skills be sure to set the filter to look for them. Try to limit your job search to jobs that came available in the past 7 days and jobs that are less than 25 miles from you. You can always widen your search if you are not seeing what you want.
If you want to target a specific field in your job search such as IT, then it might be best to pick a job search engine that is best suited for it. For IT for instance, DICE is a good way to go. Be sure to register with the site and save your resume there so that employers can find you. Part of the registration process will involve filling out a profile so be sure to accomplish that as well. Freshen up your resume at least once per month whether you need to or not so prospective employers know that you are still in the game.
Another strategy is to schedule interviews with the leading head hunter agencies in your field such as Robert Half, Manpower, or Kelly. Again, rent a suit, paint on smile, and come to the interview with resumes and references in one hand and be ready to shake hands with the other. Take all the skill tests they want to give you. And if they have constructive advice on something you need to brush up on by all means do so and then take the tests again.
5) Move.
Everything else has failed. There are no jobs for you in your field where you live. Any of the training programs that would train you for the few jobs that actually exist in your area would either take longer to complete than the time you have allotted to your job search or you just don’t have the prerequisites for the training. You are too old for the military or you have physical or legal problems that make your undesirable for the military.
There is only one thing left. Move.
Do some research on the Internet. Find the cities, states and regions that have the jobs you want or the jobs in your field. Check out things like training in the area you are planning to move to then check the cost and availability of training where you are. It might be cost-effective to train where you are and then move to the place where you work if there happens to be free or cheap training where you currently reside but not in the new place.
If you have to, borrow money from friends and relatives to get the money required to move. If you have truly hit rock bottom then sell blood plasma or whole blood and scavenge aluminum cans to get grub stake. Don’t forget to go to churches and charities and let them know you need to do odd jobs to generate a grub stake to get more permanent employment. Go down to the unemployment department and find out where the day labor work sites are if you have to. By the way, this is the temporary kind of thing many of us have done to get by for a little while until our ship comes in.
If you moved with very little cash you may be in for a rough landing when you get to where you are going. The same procedure of going to churches, charities and day labor outfits can be the way to go until you get your bearings.
It is better of course if you can borrow enough cash or have saved up enough money to pull up stakes, move and stay in the cheapest motel imaginable until you get that job that you moved for.
Don’t wait. Apply for the job you moved for the moment you hit town. Get a local phone number so it is easy for employers to contact you. A cheap disposable phone can help you there.
Moving is one of the best and most sure-fire ways to get a new job if you can’t find one where you now live.
Another almost can’t miss method is to apply for sales or management trainee jobs.
Going for seasonal or holiday jobs works for almost everyone.
Getting a government job can be time-consuming activity and their hiring process can take a long time. If you are qualified for the military, go see a recruiter and see if you can enlist and get trained in the field you are interested in on the government dime. Be sure to take all the educational benefits you are entitled to. That is what they are there for.
Best No Experience Jobs On the Web
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A Real Jobs Program Plan!!!
Job Search for the Older Worker
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Obama Can’t Find You Employment But I Can
Obama Can’t Help You but I Can
How Obama Will Not Help You Find a Job But I will
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How to Earn $50,000 per year (e book)
How to Earn $25 per hour ( e book)
How to Get A Job in 30 Days (e book)
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Passive Income Streams
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The goal of everyone who does not want to be permanent commuter on the highway of life is to make money, legally without lifting a finger. We want passive income streams. If you are the creative type there are at least two ways to do this:
1. Writing
2. Art
Merely creating pearls of prose or great art is necessary but not sufficient for creating wealth. You need another ingredients. You need a receptive audience of consumers. There are several ways to garner this:
- Search Engine Optimization
- Press Releases
- Free URL Submissions
- Bookmarking Sites
Content
You have to give to get. Unless you are a street beggar you have to generate something that people want to see and then you have to host your creative works. Sites such as AssociatedContent,Bukisa, eHow, and Triond are places to post your stuff. On AssociatedContent you can actually create slide shows or mini movies to display your wares.
All of the sites I just mentioned also allow you to display written content. For those sites that allow it, you may make additional money by creating an article and posting it in several places. For instance, at the time of this writing AssociatedContent and Bukisa allow you to post your stuff that you originally created somewhere else on their site.
Make sure you pay attention to the terms of services and publication agreements that you are signing onto when you post.
Marketing
Don’t forget to advertise your wares. Submit your site to the free URL submission engines. Generate keywords and use tags so that people will find you when they are searching. It is difficult to take over a single keyword like the word “Art.” Too many have come before you for you to be successful that. But you might be able to hone in on a niche phrase and cash in on a particular portion of the consumers. For instance, “Art for dogs.” Now there can’t be too many people who generate dog art or art for dogs. You can get to number one on that search and get the most eyeballs for that particular phrase on your stuff.
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Make Money Online
How to make money from your Art
Using your hobbies to work from home
How to find telecommuting work
How to survive a jobless recovery
Job Search for the Older Worker
One Million Jobs That You Can Apply for
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Better than minimum Wage
$30 and hour without a 4 year college degree
One million jobs that you can apply for
Seasonal Employment: How to get a job in 30 days
Job Search, Careers and Employment
Job Search for the Older Worker
Learn How to Earn $25 per hour
One million jobs that you can apply for
Seasonal Employment: How to get a job in 30 days
Job Search, Careers and Employment
Job Search for the Older Worker
Learn How to Earn $25 per hour
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Job Search for the Older Worker
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JOB TRAINING FOR LITTLE OR NO MONEY
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This is not a money back offer because it’s free. You paid nothing for it. Nevertheless, it will be easy to give you a great deal more value than that con man who charged you $75 a head to be ripped off. I am going to tell you how to train for your next job for free, or at least inexpensively.
The most obvious way to get free employment education and training is to start with the computer you are sitting at right now. Find the start button on your lower left hand side and begin searching for what kind of software is on your computer. By the way, if at anytime you don’t understand my directions or a term that I use, Google it. For instance type “start button” or ” how to find software on my PC” in to Google and search on that. When Google starts suggesting alternate searches for you, pick one that look like what you want or stick with your original verbiage. In the beginning of your training get Google happy, get Googley eyes. Google everything . If it helps, make notes on 3×5 cards to help you remember the new terms you are learning.
When searching your computer for software be on the look out for Microsoft Word and Microsoft Excel. There may be other programs but we need you to land a job pretty quickly. Some of the other programs you might discover either take longer to learn or are less in demand than Word and Excel.
Open up either word or Excel. Once the program is open push the F1 or help key. When the help opens up type in “tutorial” or “reference guide”, search, and then use the links to select tutorials or quick reference guides. If there is any thing in particular you want or need to know, use help and/or Google to search for it. If you want to get ahead of the competition, read and work through every free tutorial you can. Know how to merge mail, pivot and do macros. What you want to be able to do is to perform all the actions on the tutorial with no reference notes or help of any kind. That way if an employer tests you, you can do whatever is required with the software.
If you need more training then go to Google and type in the phrase “Excel Tutorial” or “free Microsoft Word Training.” Go to the websites that offer the information and then go through the tutorials or training. Be sure that the computer you are using is set for safe searching and has its anti-virus and anti adware software going. That way dangerous sites are less likely to show up.
If you are a technically minded person who really wants to get into the programming aspects of Excel or word, try using sites like msdn.microsoft.com or support.microsoft.com or even www.microsoft.com. The first two sites are for techies only. If you are not a techie that you may find the code and even on very rare occasions the mathematics there about as scary as having Zombies in your living so don’t go there unless you must. For instance, if your office deploys some software to a remote location and it worked at your office but not in the hinterlands and for some God awful reason they want you to fix it, now you know where to start looking for answers.
So there was your completely free training. Now you might also get completely free training from taking tutorials on your friend’s computer or from computers at the public library. For those who have not been in a public library for a while, they are not entirely useless, sometimes they have good software on their computers and good training materials on their shelves. Head down there today and take a look.
For cheap training start at your local community colleges and adult education and adult learning centers. For most people, the cheap training you can get in these places are as much as you should ever have to do. Often things like books and parking fees will be more expensive than the classes. Once you get access to their computers and computer labs, you could conceivably come in on a weekend, take the entire course including tests in a single day and then apply for jobs with what you learned on Monday. It all depends on how hard you are willing to work.
If all else fails, find the lowest level institution of higher learning available. Sign up for courses in Word, Excel, Adobe Photoshop, or anything else that looks good to you. A junior or community college would be best because they can be cheap and fast. If you have run out of every other opportunity, try full-fledged colleges or universities. You might also try some online institutions or some technical training institutes but be very, very wary of scams and fake schools. If the “school” has been in business for less than two years walk away. If they are not accredited by your state, running screaming in the opposite direction.
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The Secret to Surviving a Jobless Recovery
The secret is to get into management. What do managers know really? They don’t have to be rocket scientists and if the employees and line supervisors are really good at their jobs then a manager doesn’t even have to have detailed knowledge of the process or business he is managing. But is that the only reason why should to look into management as a career? Actually, no. One of the main reasons to consider management is, as a famous bank robber once observed, it’s where the money is.
To demonstrate that managers can make big bucks try the following experiment. For many in the United States, $100,000 a year would be a very good rate of pay indeed. Try looking for jobs that make four times that much in a job search engine. The search engine called Indeed at www.indeed.com allows one to search many if not all the underlying job search engines on the internet in one place. Put $400,000 in the search box and push Find Jobs button. Skip the jobs that require a doctor’s degree. Notice that a lot of the remaining jobs have words like “Manager” or “Supervisor” in the title. In fact jobs at the $300,000 and $200,000 levels often have words like “Director” or “Supervisor” in the title.
Another reason to try the manager career path can be seen by clearing the search box and typing the word “manager”. Then push the Find Jobs button. Notice that over half a million manager jobs are listed if no filters as to date, time and location are used. So almost anyone can find a suitable job in management. On the left hand side of the Indeed search page there is a heading that says Location. Clicking on it reveals there are management jobs in every major city in America.
For those with no management experience or not much experience there is still hope. Many if not most managers started out at low pay with little recognition. In order to climb the corporate ladder they had to be willing to put the time in and to buy into whatever bill of goods the corporation was selling. To make the management track work most people are going to need to be willing to start out as a manger in training or and assistant manager at a salary as low as $20,000. At that stage the main job is to observe other managers and develop a management style. And while it can be argued that managers don’t know much they still have to look like they do. The would be manager must take all the company courses on management and business and he must get at least an Associate Degree on his own time. Anyone who wants to be CEO one day then must eventually get an MBA degree as well, but entry-level managers in training often just need to be a warm body willing to learn.
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Job Search for the Older Worker
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***.Now that the holiday season is here, those who have been out of work for weeks or months may be wondering how they are going to afford to give gifts to their loved ones. Well Christmas isn’t canceled yet. It may be a little delayed, but we can still get there. You have until about 2 Jan to land and keep a job. There’s not much time so let’s get started.1
Your first place to look is seasonal employment. Go for the places that need lots of folks right now. Since we have yet to develop a Star Trek transporter that works without getting the goods disintegrated, all those online retailers still need warm bodies to help them get the goodies from the factory floor to a home near you. That’s where you come in. Companies like UPS, FedEx and DHL often need extra help to handle packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you need the extra cash you can certainly apply for such jobs.2
Your next targets of opportunity are the brick and mortar stores. Macy’s, Target, Walmart and JC Penny amongst other retailers may find themselves in need of extra sales staff. If you don’t have a job go down to these stores and fill out an application today. If they allow you to apply online then you may not even have to get out of your chair to apply. Just Google to find their websites.3
If you have ever had even a passing position as a manager of salesmen or of a package delivery place, you need to get your three-piece suit on and your lucky tie and show up and tell Human Resources that their salvation has arrived. A manager who is willing to do any shift at any time and who is even willing to travel is here. Tell them don’t thank you, just throw money.
Your first place to look is seasonal employment. Go for the places that need lots of folks right now. Since we have yet to develop a Star Trek transporter that works without getting the goods disintegrated, all those online retailers still need warm bodies to help them get the goodies from the factory floor to a home near you. That’s where you come in. Companies like UPS, FedEx and DHL often need extra help to handle packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you need the extra cash you can certainly apply for such jobs.2
Your next targets of opportunity are the brick and mortar stores. Macy’s, Target, Walmart and JC Penny amongst other retailers may find themselves in need of extra sales staff. If you don’t have a job go down to these stores and fill out an application today. If they allow you to apply online then you may not even have to get out of your chair to apply. Just Google to find their websites.3
If you have ever had even a passing position as a manager of salesmen or of a package delivery place, you need to get your three-piece suit on and your lucky tie and show up and tell Human Resources that their salvation has arrived. A manager who is willing to do any shift at any time and who is even willing to travel is here. Tell them don’t thank you, just throw money.
Now we come to a more specialized group of seasonal employees. Generally but not always, it helps to have some skills. For instance, some places might need ski instructors or ice carvers. Speaking of low skill positions if you are fat or can fake it try the shopping mall Santa Claus gig.Be ready to take temporary jobs or jobs at odd shifts. Be ready to travel or drive long distances if the jobs require it.
We have discussed a range of seasonal jobs many of which will pay at or slightly above minimum wage. They will tide you over holiday season but let us suppose you want more. Let us suppose you are hoping for employment that might get you a buck or two over minimum wage. Well they don’t pay for breathing. You have to have some skills. But I told you I would try to get you a job in 30 days. How can you get skill enough to be worth a few dollars more in that time period?
It turns out that some of the things that employers want and need most are people who are conversant with office automation. If you are not conversant with office automation you may be confused. Well even though I am not from the government I am here to help
Office automation is short hand for that bill of goods that Bill Gates has been selling us for years. If you want to find out how much you don’t know then go to any office and apply for one of those administrative assistant jobs. After you take the test you might find that you need to learn some new office skills.
Office automation is short hand for that bill of goods that Bill Gates has been selling us for years. If you want to find out how much you don’t know then go to any office and apply for one of those administrative assistant jobs. After you take the test you might find that you need to learn some new office skills.
Fortunately you can learn new office skills for free. With almost any Microsoft product all you have to do is hit the F1 key and help will arrive. If you can remember what you had a tough time with on the test, you can look it up after you push the F1 key. If you type in the word “tutorial” you can get a list of like tutorials on Microsoft Office.
Will any diligence at all 30 days is more than enough time to learn enough about Word, Access and Excel to land an office assistant job. If you don’t like Microsoft’s instruction methods then Google Word, Access, Excel tutorials. If you learn better by example then add the word “Example” in the Google search box. If you like to see complete sample applications that you can emulate, then add “Sample” to the Google search box.6
Let’s say you want to earn double minimum wage. The fast answer is: that’s going to take more than 30 days. The trickier answer is: how fast can you read? Do the following Google searches “learn * in 30 days”, “learning * in 30 days”, “teach yourself * in 30 days.” The asterisk is a placeholder that let’s Google replace it with anything it finds that fits the general pattern. Notice that you can find some truly insane listings like “Teach yourself Sanskrit in 30 days.” Okay then. Maybe you should be a little suspicious of this method of attaining job skills but don’t entirely dismiss it. You will also see listings for things like learning Adobe Illustrator in 30 days. Some of the more complicated pieces of software can be mastered in relatively short amount of time by a dedicated person who is not easily distracted and who has access to the software. Therein lies the rub. Some of this software ain’t exactly cheap. On the other hand, if you can get a job photoshopping wedding pictures it beats digging ditches. Maybe you should buy the software. Before you buy it, check to see if your friend who has it on her computer will let you learn on her machine. Look and see if your local library has the soft ware. Sign up for a community college or adult learning class that has the software. Often they will let you come in late or early and you can finish what you need to do long before the slow poke class gets to it.
Suppose you want to earn triple or quadruple minimum wage. Then you will need some skills and taking a class along with reading relevant subject mater books may be with way to go. This exceeds our 30 day limit. On the other hand, what do managers know, really? Management can be a way to big bucks if you are good with people and have good innate time and management skills.
Let’s say you want to earn double minimum wage. The fast answer is: that’s going to take more than 30 days. The trickier answer is: how fast can you read? Do the following Google searches “learn * in 30 days”, “learning * in 30 days”, “teach yourself * in 30 days.” The asterisk is a placeholder that let’s Google replace it with anything it finds that fits the general pattern. Notice that you can find some truly insane listings like “Teach yourself Sanskrit in 30 days.” Okay then. Maybe you should be a little suspicious of this method of attaining job skills but don’t entirely dismiss it. You will also see listings for things like learning Adobe Illustrator in 30 days. Some of the more complicated pieces of software can be mastered in relatively short amount of time by a dedicated person who is not easily distracted and who has access to the software. Therein lies the rub. Some of this software ain’t exactly cheap. On the other hand, if you can get a job photoshopping wedding pictures it beats digging ditches. Maybe you should buy the software. Before you buy it, check to see if your friend who has it on her computer will let you learn on her machine. Look and see if your local library has the soft ware. Sign up for a community college or adult learning class that has the software. Often they will let you come in late or early and you can finish what you need to do long before the slow poke class gets to it.
Suppose you want to earn triple or quadruple minimum wage. Then you will need some skills and taking a class along with reading relevant subject mater books may be with way to go. This exceeds our 30 day limit. On the other hand, what do managers know, really? Management can be a way to big bucks if you are good with people and have good innate time and management skills.
*********
How to Get a New Job
***
If you were one of the thousands of people who got laid off,it is highly unlikely that you will be able to go back to the place that just laid you off, doing the same thing for the same money. Furthermore, if many of the people who got laid off were in a field like yours, it is even more unlikely that a good paying job identical to your old one exists within commuting distance of you.
I have heard that there are recession proof industries out there so let’s look for one of them. Everyone who is born eventually dies so death must be a recession proof growth industry! Go to careerbuilder.com and type the word “death” into the keyword box. Then push the Find Jobs button. I go 70 pages of jobs or 1,736 jobs. Looks like a lot of death related jobs out there. And since I did not choose a particular location, there’s death work all over the country.
If there’s anything folks like more than death, it’s putting off death as long as possible. Let’s look for jobs in the health field. At the top of the page make sure you are at the Search Again tab and then replace the word “death” with “health.” Push the Find Jobs button again. Now we’re cooking with gas! 160 pages or 89,880 jobs. We have quickly found through this exercise that if you have a choice between working on CSI or Grey’s Anatomy, stick with Grey’s. Yes there are a lot of television shows dealing with coroners and murders but if you want a real world job your chances are much better among the living.
Now that we’ve decided to live, we can look around careerbuilder and see what it’s doing with the bounty of jobs it brought back for us. If you look down the screen under the search box you will find an area labeled Narrow Search. Basically the health related jobs are sliced and diced in ways that might be useful to you. For instance, if you are only interested in jobs in the nursing field look under the Category column for the word Nurse and click on it. All the Nurse jobs will come up. Let’s say you always wanted to be a nurse in Dallas Texas. Then find the City column and click on the Dallas link. Now you are looking at all the Nursing jobs in Dallas. If you want to turn either the Nurse filter or the Dallas filter off, look back at the Narrow Search area and find the tiny word “off”. If you click on the “off” button, the filter is removed and you can once again see the unfiltered results of your search.
Lets suppose that you want more control over your search. You either don’t want to drill down to find the jobs you are looking for or you know some specifics about where you want work and in what field. Look near the top of the page for the Advanced Search tab and click on it. Now you have much more control over your search.
It may have occurred to you that in this brave new world of ours that your previous skills, whatever they were, are now obsolete. You will have to take a job that you know little or nothing about. We have words for job like that. The words are “trainee” and “entry level.”
Let’s stay on the Advance Search screen and replace the word “health” with the word “trainee.” Under job category we use the drop down box to pick “Health Care.” Using the Degree drop down box we pick “none.” We are only interested in a full-time job so we deselect the check boxes that indicate things like seasonal and contract jobs. We kinda want to know that we are gonna get paid–this ain’t no hobby–so on the far right we check the check box that excludes jobs that have no salary information. Then we push the Find Jobs button at the bottom of the screen.
Uh oh. I see only 13 jobs in the past 30 days. If your dream jobs is there and nobody else in the country wants it–bubonic plague inspector for fresh road kill in Toad Suck, Arkansas (yes Virginia, there is a Toad Suck Arkansas, deal with it)–your ship has come in! The rest of us have a problem. There aren’t enough jobs to choose from. This can be the difficulty with doing a search that is too detailed-too specific. It might not be easy to figure out which of our criteria are filtering out the jobs that we want. Fortunately for you I’m running this circus so I have an idea of how to open things up.
Let’s replace “trainee” with “entry level.” Now I get 130 jobs. Nothing spectacular but most of us aren’t really going to be able digest more than 100 or so jobs at a sitting in any case. Let’s open her up a little more. Use the tab at the top to return to the original advanced search screen. Beggars can’t be choosers so we are going to remove the health care restriction and we are going to remove the check box that about showing salaries. Also, we are not working now so we will take any kind of job except intern–because it might not pay anything–so choose the Employment Type check boxes accordingly. Also, we don’t really care about the degree thing so we will deselect it. Deselecting involves choosing the first item on the drop down box. Leave the words “entry level” as is. Now push the find jobs button again. We are back to 160 pages or jobs or 20,102 jobs. Let’s say that we only want to look at fresh new jobs that were listed in the past 24 hours. Then we choose 24 hours on the drop down box near the Find Jobs button and push the Find Jobs button again. Now I get 1,415 jobs around the country associated with the term entry level.
Drilling down through the entry-level jobs and drilling further down through health care related entry-level jobs I eventually come to some results we will take a look at. At the bottom of the screen is a list of jobs for something called Direct Support Associate. I click on the first phrase in the job listing and I get details of the job. Sometimes the details will be on the career builder site and sometimes you will click-through to a staffing agency or employer site. I notice that the job we are looking at only requires a high school diploma. I also notice that they mention some skills that would be helpful in the job. Although they say they offer some training in the nice to have skills, a smart employee tries to get an edge wherever he can. For instance, some community colleges might offer very inexpensive courses in CPR. Most work places assume that you know Microsoft Office. If you don’t or if your Word or Excel skills rusty, you might look to see if your local county and city libraries have computers loaded with software that you can practice on. As a last resort, you might attend a vocational school. I put this as a last resort because these schools can be a costly rip-off. Avoid the fly by night rip-offs by only going to a vocational school that has been around for a few years. Make sure that the vocational school is nationally certified and licensed to operate in your state. Use google and the Better Business Bureau websites to check for complaints against the school.
******
Seasonal and Holiday Jobs
***
Now that the holiday season is here, those who have been out of work for weeks or months may be wondering how they are going to afford to give gifts to their loved ones. Well Christmas isn’t canceled yet. It may be a little delayed, but we can still get there. You have until about 2 Jan to land and keep a job. There’s not much time so let’s get started.
Your first place to look is seasonal employment. Go for the places that need lots of folks right now. Since we have yet to develop a Star Trek transporter that works without getting the goods disintegrated, all those online retailers still need warm bodies to help them get the goodies from the factory floor to a home near you. That’s where you come in. Companies like UPS, FedEx and DHL often need extra help to handle packages between Thanksgiving and Christmas. If you need the extra cash you can certainly apply for such jobs.
Your next targets of opportunity are the brick and mortar stores. Macy’s, Target, Walmart and JC Penny amongst other retailers may find themselves in need of extra sales staff. If you don’t have a job go down to these stores and fill out an application today. If they allow you to apply online then you may not even have to get out of your chair to apply. Just Google to find their websites.
If you have ever had even a passing position as a manager of salesmen or of a package delivery place, you need to get your three piece suit on and your lucky tie and show up and tell Human Resources that their salvation has arrived. A manager who is willing to do any shift at any time and who is even willing to travel is here. Tell them don’t thank you, just throw money.
Now we come to a more specialized group of seasonal employees. Generally but not always, it helps to have some skills. For instance, some places might need ski instructors or ice carvers. Speaking of low skill positions if you are fat or can fake it try the shopping mall Santa Claus gig.Be ready to take temporary jobs or jobs at odd shifts. Be ready to travel or drive long distances if the jobs require it.
We have discussed a range of seasonal jobs many of which will pay at or slightly above minimum wage. They will tide you over holiday season but let us suppose you want more. Let us suppose you are hoping for employment that might get you a buck or two over minimum wage. Well they don’t pay for breathing. You have to have some skills. But I told you I would try to get you a job in 30 days. How can you get skill enough to be worth a few dollars more in that time period?
It turns out that some of the things that employers want and need most are people who are conversant with office automation. If you are not conversant with office automation you may be confused. Well even though I am not from the government I am here to help.
Office automation is short hand for that bill of goods that Bill Gates has been selling us for years. If you want to find out how much you don’t know then go to any office and apply for one of those administrative assistant jobs. After you take the test you might find that you need to learn some new office skills.
Fortunately you can learn new office skills for free. With almost any Microsoft product all you have to do is hit the F1 key and help will arrive. If you can remember what you had a tough time with on the test, you can look it up after you push the F1 key. If you type in the word “tutorial” you can get a list of like tutorials on Microsoft Office.
Will any diligence at all 30 days is more than enough time to learn enough about Word, Access and Excel to land an office assistant job. If you don’t like Microsoft’s instruction methods then Google Word, Access, Excel tutorials. If you learn better by example then add the word “Example” in the Google search box. If you like to see complete sample applications that you can emulate, then add “Sample” to the Google search box.
Let’s say you want to earn double minimum wage. The fast answer is: that’s going to take more than 30 days. The trickier answer is: how fast can you read? Do the following Google searches “learn * in 30 days”, “learning * in 30 days”, “teach yourself * in 30 days.” The asterisk is a placeholder that let’s Google replace it with anything it finds that fits the general pattern. Notice that you can find some truly insane listings like “Teach yourself Sanskrit in 30 days.” Okay then. Maybe you should be a little suspicious of this method of attaining job skills but don’t entirely dismiss it. You will also see listings for things like learning Adobe Illustrator in 30 days. Some of the more complicated pieces of software can be mastered in relatively short amount of time by a dedicated person who is not easily distracted and who has access to the software. Therein lies the rub. Some of this software ain’t exactly cheap. On the other hand, if you can get a job photoshopping wedding pictures it beats digging ditches. Maybe you should buy the software. Before you buy it, check to see if your friend who has it on her computer will let you learn on her machine. Look and see if your local library has the soft ware. Sign up for a community college or adult learning class that has the software. Often they will let you come in late or early and you can finish what you need to do long before the slow poke class gets to it.
Suppose you want to earn triple or quadruple minimum wage. Then you will need some skills and taking a class along with reading relevant subject mater books may be with way to go. This exceeds our 30 day limit. On the other hand, what do managers know, really? Management can be a way to big bucks if you are good with people and have good innate time and management skills.
*********
After you have been laid off
****
If you were one of the thousands of people who got laid off,it is highly unlikely that you will be able to go back to the place that just laid you off, doing the same thing for the same money. Furthermore, if many of the people who got laid off were in a field like yours, it is even more unlikely that a good paying job identical to your old one exists within commuting distance of you.
I have heard that there are recession proof industries out there so let’s look for one of them. Everyone who is born eventually dies so death must be a recession proof growth industry! Go to careerbuilder.com and type the word “death” into the keyword box. Then push the Find Jobs button. I go 70 pages of jobs or 1,736 jobs. Looks like a lot of death related jobs out there. And since I did not choose a particular location, there’s death work all over the country.
If there’s anything folks like more than death, it’s putting off death as long as possible. Let’s look for jobs in the health field. At the top of the page make sure you are at the Search Again tab and then replace the word “death” with “health.” Push the Find Jobs button again. Now we’re cooking with gas! 160 pages or 89,880 jobs. We have quickly found through this exercise that if you have a choice between working on CSI or Grey’s Anatomy, stick with Grey’s. Yes there are a lot of television shows dealing with coroners and murders but if you want a real world job your chances are much better among the living.
Now that we’ve decided to live, we can look around careerbuilder and see what it’s doing with the bounty of jobs it brought back for us. If you look down the screen under the search box you will find an area labeled Narrow Search. Basically the health related jobs are sliced and diced in ways that might be useful to you. For instance, if you are only interested in jobs in the nursing field look under the Category column for the word Nurse and click on it. All the Nurse jobs will come up. Let’s say you always wanted to be a nurse in Dallas Texas. Then find the City column and click on the Dallas link. Now you are looking at all the Nursing jobs in Dallas. If you want to turn either the Nurse filter or the Dallas filter off, look back at the Narrow Search area and find the tiny word “off”. If you click on the “off” button, the filter is removed and you can once again see the unfiltered results of your search.
Lets suppose that you want more control over your search. You either don’t want to drill down to find the jobs you are looking for or you know some specifics about where you want work and in what field. Look near the top of the page for the Advanced Search tab and click on it. Now you have much more control over your search.
It may have occurred to you that in this brave new world of ours that your previous skills, whatever they were, are now obsolete. You will have to take a job that you know little or nothing about. We have words for job like that. The words are “trainee” and “entry level.”
Let’s stay on the Advance Search screen and replace the word “health” with the word “trainee.” Under job category we use the drop down box to pick “Health Care.” Using the Degree drop down box we pick “none.” We are only interested in a full-time job so we deselect the check boxes that indicate things like seasonal and contract jobs. We kinda want to know that we are gonna get paid–this ain’t no hobby– so on the far right we check the checkbox that excludes jobs that have no salary information. Then we push the Find Jobs button at the bottom of the screen.
Uh oh. I see only 13 jobs in the past 30 days. If your dream jobs is there and nobody else in the country wants it–bubonic plague inspector for fresh road kill in Toad Suck, Arkansas (yes Virginia, there is a Toad Suck Arkansas, deal with it)–your ship has come in! The rest of us have a problem. There aren’t enough jobs to choose from. This can be the difficulty with doing a search that is too detailed-too specific. It might not be easy to figure out which of our criteria are filtering out the jobs that we want. Fortunately for you I’m running this circus so I have an idea of how to open things up.
Let’s replace “trainee” with “entry level.” Now I get 130 jobs. Nothing spectacular but most of us aren’t really going to be able digest more than 100 or so jobs at a sitting in any case. Let’s open her up a little more. Use the tab at the top to return to the original advanced search screen. Beggars can’t be choosers so we are going to remove the health care restriction and we are going to remove the check box that about showing salaries. Also, we are not working now so we will take any kind of job except intern–because it might not pay anything–so choose the Employment Type checkboxes accordingly. Also, we don’t really care about the degree thing so we will deselect it. Deselecting involves choosing the first item on the drop down box. Leave the words “entry level” as is. Now push the find jobs button again. We are back to 160 pages or jobs or 20,102 jobs. Let’s say that we only want to look at fresh new jobs that were listed in the past 24 hours. Then we choose 24 hours on the drop down box near the Find Jobs button and push the Find Jobs button again. Now I get 1,415 jobs around the country associated with the term entry level.
Drilling down through the entry level jobs and drilling further down through health care related entry level jobs I eventually come to some results we will take a look at. At the bottom of the screen is a list of jobs for something called Direct Support Associate. I click on the first phrase in the job listing and I get details of the job. Sometimes the details will be on the career builder site and sometimes you will click through to a staffing agency or employer site. I notice that the job we are looking at only requires a high school diploma. I also notice that they mention some skills that would be helpful in the job. Although they say they offer some training in the nice to have skills, a smart employee tries to get an edge wherever he can. For instance, some community colleges might offer very inexpensive courses in CPR. Most work places assume that you know Microsoft Office. If you don’t or if your Word or Excel skills rusty, you might look to see if your local county and city libraries have computers loaded with software that you can practice on. As a last resort, you might attend a vocational school. I put this as a last resort because these schools can be a costly rip-off. Avoid the fly by night rip-offs by only going to a vocational school that has been around for a few years. Make sure that the vocational school is nationally certified and licensed to operate in your state. Use google and the Better Business Bureau websites to check for complaints against the school.
***********
Job Tips
***
http://surpassyourdreamsblogger.blogs.com/blog/2011/11/fourth-annual-job-action-day-is-today.html
http://executivecareerbrand.com/today-is-job-action-day-2011/
http://afford-anything.com/2011/09/21/how-to-fail-a-job-interview-why-your-resume-is-ignored/
http://jobmob.co.il/blog/funny-job-search-work-pictures/
http://devotionalchristian.com/labor-work-and-other-blessings/
http://www.monsterthinking.com/2011/09/06/every-day-is-labor-day/
http://www.wotcplanet.com/2011/09/illinois-department-of-employment-security-...
http://blog.sageabra.com/2011/09/free-employee-rewards/
http://gisjobs.ca/gis-jobs-in-newfoundland.php
http://jobmob.co.il/blog/strangest-job-titles-ever/
***
Job Search
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A list of sites that host links to job search sites: Meta list
Using Twitter to get you a job
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Slackers!
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They pay you for doing that?
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Jobs for Felons
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Best Jobs for Felons in Indiana
Trucking Jobs for Felons in New York
Internet Marketing jobs for felons
Apprenticeships lead to jobs for felons
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Jobs for the Disabled
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Government Jobs for the disabled
Social security beneficiaries work from home
Ontario Disability Employment Network
Working from Home jobs for the Disabled
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Work from Home, Telework, Telecommuting
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Government Jobs
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If all else fails, enlist in Army, Air Force, Navy or Marines. Let the feds pay for your training
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Work Abroad. Overseas Employment
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Big Guide to Living and Working Overseas
International Work for Civil an Structural Engineers
Work, Study, Volunteer Opportunities
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